My character Maureen that I played in 'Call The Midwife' recently gave birth on screen without her husband being in the room or having any pain relief. The birth was led by two wonderfully supportive midwives, quite a normal set up for the 60s. Fast forward a couple of months and its looking more likely this might actually become more of a reality than I had planned for!
I am now a couple of days shy of 40 weeks pregnant and we are realising that we have very limited options regarding who can look after our daughter whilst we go into hospital to have baby number two.
There isn't currently a risk free choice due to covid-19, but the one option which sits best with us at the moment is for me to do this alone. We have discussed this with midwives who have been as supportive as possible and agreed there is no easy option. By doing it alone we don't put any of our family or friends at risk. We have some family and friends who are on the shielded and vulnerable lists, others self-isolating with symptoms and others who are still at work or having to do the essential food shop.
I feel like I am on a permanent emotional roller coaster bouncing between sadness, major anxiety to extraordinary strength and determination. We have decided we need to focus on this being the most likely option and I have been preparing my head and heart for this as much as possible. I know I am not the only person about to do this and with some hospitals now restricting birth partners it is looking extremely likely this will be the case for a huge amount of people. We have considered home birth but this is no longer currently an option in our area due to the increased demand on the NHS.
I felt it may be a good idea to share some very useful tips from a fantastic Hypnobirthing teacher and doula. Gathering support and knowledge is building my confidence and courage we are making the best choice for our families health. Ultimately, this is the only thing that really matters.
Sending lots of virtual love and support to others experiencing this and I would love to hear from you, we are all in this together.
- What are the best tools of hypnobirthing I can draw on when being on my own during labour?
More women are going to find that they may be birthing without their birth partner with them due to either illness or hospital restrictions. The first thing I would say is that hypnobirthing is a way of thinking/ reframing birth -it’s an approach rather than action in it’s self. So before labour even starts we can look at reframing the experiencing, firstly a birthing woman is never alone, you will have your midwife with you throughout your labour and also remember that there are thousands of women around the world birthing at the same time as you. Draw on their strength and know you are never alone.
Key tools that you learn through hypnobirthing are there to help you however your birth unfolds. As with all births practice is key, so start learning to rest listening to the relaxation MP3s and visualisations, it’s never too late. If you are without a partner you will need to be able to keep yourself calm and reduce any worry or tension you may have, which these will help with. Or if you want to feel like your partner is with you ask them to record some relaxations on your phone even just as a voice note.
Refresh yourself on the mechanics of birth (which most courses cover), understanding how your body works and what it is doing at each stage, makes is so much easier to cope. If you’re not scare, but confident and calm the sensations are more manageable.
Using positive affirmations, you can take printed off affirmations with you and stick them up in your room at the hospital. These will help you to stay focused and positive during birth.
- Are there any essentials for the hospital bag when going into labour ward alone?
Oh where do I start with this yes, 100%. You will have to think and pack slightly differently if you are going in alone. Normally I recommend to mothers that they let their birth partner pack the bag for them as they will be the one that is getting things out for you when you are in labour and afterwards.
Firstly a wheel case rather than something you have to carry, remember you’ll be lifting it yourself and maybe also holding a baby too on the way home.
You can use ziplock bags or packing cube with labels on so that the midwifes can find things for you easily.
Remember you will be doing things alone so you want clothing that is super easy to put on after birth, it’s not glamours but joggers and a hoody rather than leggings or a shirt you have to do up.
Food - many hospital canteens are now closed and you will want to eat/snack in labour and may not want what is on offer at the hospital
Fairy lights, LED candles, an oil diffuser and a speaker - If you were planning on the birth centre this maybe not be an option for a number of reasons but you can still create the atmosphere in a labour ward room. With a little imagination and some props it can feel the same.
A bendy phone holder - your partner may not be able to be with you but they can virtually be in the room. Have a way of attaching your phone to something so they can video call in and chat to you while you are in labour. Alongside this also an extra long phone charging cord so that you always have battery or a power bar.
A sling/baby carrier - many hospitals now will not let you bring the carseat in to take the baby home. Someone should be there to help you with your bags, but you may feel better popping your newborn in a sling to make your way out to the car rather than caring them.
Tens machine - As you won’t have someone to massage you while you are in labour this can be really helpful to manage the sensations.
Heat pads - You won’t have anyone to run out and fill up hotter bottles so self heating pads are brilliant as you can pop them on and they stay warm for ages.
Personal items - some photos of you and your partner at places you love, anything that sparks a memory that will make you smile, keep you positive and remind you why you are doing this.
A blanket - If for any reason you need to be separated from your baby you can ask for the baby to wrapped in a blanket you have already cuddled and they will be able to smell you and feel comforted.
- How to prepare at home in the lead up to the birth?
Talk to your partner about how you (and they) are feeling, it’s ok to be upset by this. They probably feel helpless too, so chat through your thoughts and make a plan for how you’ll help each other on the day.
Have your relaxation aids ready, MP3s, essential oils, affirmations - start using these at home the more you are used to going into deep relaxation the easier it is on the day.
Be prepared that you are likely to spend the majority of your labour at home, you really don't want to be going into hospital any earlier than necessary. so have any comfort measures you may want prepared.
Stay informed, knowledge is power and you’ll feel better knowing what the situation at your hospital is before you go in. Follow their social media channels, many trusts have a MVP (maternity voices partnership) and they will be sharing up to date information almost daily. Knowing what the situation is at your hospital so that you don’t have any nasty surprises on the day will help you to feel more confident. This is also true for postnatal care, know if you are allowed any visitors and what you can expect once you are discharged.
Have back up birth partners, if your hospital is allowing one person to be with you in labour and you have worries this might not be your husband/mother etc due to illness or them having to care for other children or work then have someone else lined up. Many doulas like myself are offering emergency doula support for mothers who would otherwise be alone in labour either virtually or circumstance depending in person.
- How to keep positive and focused during this stressful time?
Unfortunately this is an unprecedented situation, but please know that everyone is trying their best to give you and your baby the best care possible. Limited visitors is not a punishment, it’s done to protect you and your baby and the midwives who need to stay healthy to do their job.
The best thing you can do is focus on your baby, and look forward to holding them in your arms very soon! Then you can go home and spend time snuggled up together while you rest and bond.
Jemma @ www.stilettostostrollers.com
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